The One Thing that Keeps You from Falling in Love with Yourself

Have you ever tried setting aside time for yourself, only to find that so much emotional churn came up that you were distinctly uncomfortable?

I’ve done this.

I’ve planned and worked to get those little moments which could be “just for me.”

Then, when I finally had those moments, my stuff would start coming up.

You know. Those negative, nasty little jabs that we say to ourselves.

For the longest time, I thought that these were horrible and annoying, but I didn’t see the bigger picture.

Finally, the bigger picture began to emerge – and it was horrifying!

Our Negative Blurts – and How They Impact Our Whole Lives

I’d had some measure of success in life. I’d gotten my Ph.D. at a young age, had published a major technical book (first in its field), and then was awarded four patents in computer science – each one a breakthrough.

Then, while waiting out a stringent non-compete from my former company, I’d finally finished and published Unveiling: The Inner Journey.

Learning how to market this book was hard. (I’d always been the genius in the ivory tower, and marketing was something that others in my companies did.) But I began figuring out what needed to be done – and was doing it. Probably the toughest challenge was realizing that I had to totally transform my online business platforms (all of them), and rebuild – from the ground up. This took the better part of a year.

While doing all of this, I’d been making some real breakthroughs. The personal-growth sort; not the intellectual. I was starting to get over my fears of marketing myself; of reaching out on my own behalf.

Then, my Daddy died.

This provoked not only a grief-storm, but dredged up everything that I had buried. There was stuff not only about my father, but about men, my life, and myself.

It wasn’t pretty.

In fact, it was pretty ugly.

Despite limited and isolated “successes,” my life still wasn’t working out.

This – despite having put out a book that was supposed to teach women how to do their inner journey and pull their lives together.

Something was clearly missing.

I simply didn’t know what.

Negative Blurts Feed Negative Thought-Forms, and Negative Thought-Forms Suck Energy

About two months ago, I had a meeting with Alicja Jones, author of Own Your Power (being released in 2014; you read an excerpt from the Own Your Power March 23 Meditation in yesterday’s lesson).

Normally, Alicja doesn’t comment on me, unless I ask a very specific question. (She’s a gifted intuitive and healer, and reads energy fields very well.)

This time, though, was different.

She opened our meeting by saying, “You’ve got to clear out this old energy about seeking your father’s approval, Alay’nya. Otherwise, you won’t be able to succeed in what you’re doing.”

Naturally, she had my attention.

What Do Negative Thought Forms Look Like?

When I got home from that meeting, I started looking at my own energy field – just envisioning it in my mind’s eye. And I could see it – there, coiled around me like a big, fat grey caterpillar, was a negative thought form. (Actually, there were a few. Yucko!)

We all know about thought forms – both positive and negative. We’ve seen pictures of them. We observe their effect in our lives; in the world around us.

In Own Your Power, Alicja Jones describes how negative thought forms look and feel in the January 17 Meditation:

[Negative thought forms] … take on a life of their own to hide within our energy field. These negative thought forms then cause us discomfort that defies discovery by traditional means. Negative thoughts are a disaster to our body. If we think them often enough, they will become negative thought forms embedded in our energy field.

Even though negative thought forms can take many shapes, they typically form a mass of clouded energy over the part of the body they are affecting. However, they also take many other forms. During a healing session, working with my teacher on another person, I felt squiggly pieces of energy moving through and out of my hands, releasing from the person on the table. The energy felt like small snakes slithering out of the way. I asked my teacher about the forms that were releasing. She said that they were exactly that. Energetically, they looked like small snakes. Negative thought forms are not pretty, nor are do they assuage our distress.

No amount of recounting our hurts will change them. Only we can change them. The power is within us. Real power – the power of Love – can change anything.

Negative Thought Forms Pull Energy From Us

What came as a surprise, over these next few days, was that I could sense the connection between my thinking a specific negative (disempowering) thought – a blurt – and sensing the energy going out from me into this thought form.

Actually, it felt as though when I thought a blurt – a negative thought – there was a sort of energy packet that would move from my center into a tube that projected from my core outward.

It was simple. Think the blurt, and watch the energy leave.

It was kind of like having a python swallowing an animal – I could actually sense the energy leaving me. I could sense it swelling up in the tube going out from my midsection, and moving away from me.

No wonder I’d felt so tired, so often! My natural energy reserves were going out of me.

How to Cope and What to Do

I suspect that with just a little effort – and a willingness to trust your inner vision (or mind’s eye), you’ll start sensing whatever negative thought forms are in your field.

Even more, I am highly confident that you’ll be able to detect your own blurts – those statements that you make to yourself way too often.

You’ll know them. Blurts suck your thoughts like a whirlpool.

Your Assignment for Lesson 2

Your assignment – for Lesson 2 – is to start noticing your blurts.

Maybe you can feel or sense or somehow get a visual of your thought forms. Maybe you can; maybe you can’t right now.

However, you can certainly detect your own blurts.

Start noticing them.

Notice how habitually they pull your mind. It’s like they’re magnets for your mental attention.

The slightest little provocation; the slightest tremor of one of your inner triggers, and one of them will pop up.

You know what they are.

I’m not going to embarrass you by asking you to write them down, or discuss them in public. (Good grief. This isn’t an encounter group. A certain modicum of privacy is allowed.)

But just between you and yourself; start noticing them. Flag them.

What to do about them, specifically?

That’s tomorrow’s lesson.

And yes, there are some very specific things that we can do.

And yes, they’re successful.

At least, they’ve been successful with me.

I’ve been working with mine – assiduously, diligently, and with great attention – for these last two months.

And yes, I’ve noticed a difference.

A difference that is real enough, and authentic enough, and useful enough for me to be suggesting this same approach to you.

Tomorrow.

Today, just start noticing. Cataloging, if you will.

Choosing Our Angle of Attack – How We’re Going to Solve the Challenge

The important question now is: What’s the approach? What’s the angle of attack?

When we’re flying an airplane, the angle of attack determines whether or not we get off the ground.

Sure, airspeed (momentum) is important. When we’re solving a life-problem, we really have to lean into it to get some breakthrough. Dilly-dallying around just won’t cut it.

But we can have all the forward momentum in the world and if we don’t have the right angle of attack, we won’t get enough air under our wings. And if we have too much angle of attack (and we’re already airborne), then we stall out.

Not enough air under our wings, and we don’t get off the ground. Too much, and we crash and burn.

Clearly, choosing our angle of attack – how we approach a problem – is essential to success.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

We need both the right approach, and enough effort, in order to solve a life-problem.

We come at a challenge the right way, and we have the insight – the right approach – then we can make huge breakthroughs, fast.

We come at it from a – I don’t want to say wrong, but rather ineffectual – way, and we can keep working at it and working at it, and we just won’t get the breakthroughs.

So here we are on Day Two. We’re choosing our angle of attack for how we’re each going to fall more deeply in love with ourselves. How we’re going to transform our lives.

You’re going to give me the benefit of doubt, for at least a day or two.

You may be willing to accept that our approach to this challenge – choosing our angle of attack – is essential for our success.

The approach that I’m suggesting is that we combine spiritual disciplines with energy work to clear out the things (thought forms and patterns) in our energy fields that are blocking us.

Then, we’re going to reinforce this with habits on the physical plane – taking care of ourselves – that will help us get into and maintain a positive state.

We’re also going to do movement patterns that will bring the energetic changes into our physical realm. This will have multiple positive effects.

We’re also going to start documenting our progress (with journaling), and envisioning where we want to go (course setting).

If this approach works, we should be getting unstuck from whatever sticky-goo we’ve allowed into our lives, and start moving forward.

We should be able to note the changes, within a reasonable time frame.

Falling in Love with Ourselves – Getting Back to Our Theme

So let’s bring this back to you.

You’ve joined me on this Twelve Days of Solstice – twelve Lessons with me – because you think – you hope – that I might have something that will help you feel better about yourself; about your whole life.

I can tell you: On a personal level, this is working for me.

I’m having the happiest Christmas of my life.

Literally, All is calm; all is bright.

My business hasn’t quite taken off (yet).

A number of situations around me haven’t really shifted or changed.

But somehow, I’m different within these situations.

Not 100%, and not all the time. This is still new, and I’m still working at it.

But I strongly believe that this approach will work for you, as it is working for me.

Let’s check in with each other tomorrow, shall we?

Yours with love and laughter – Alay’nya

Christmas Jewels: The Workshop

Sometimes it’s easier to work through these lessons in a small, safe group – with someone to guide you through each step.

Christmas Jewels – the workshop – is your opportunity. For full details, go to: Christmas Jewels Workshop: You are the Jewel in the Heart of the Lotus.

Previous Pages in the Twelve Days of Solstice: Falling in Love with Yourself

• Day One: Stillpoint